As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you
had covers, your sweet
pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible.
Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running,
kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine
fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye
movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night
like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for
years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping
curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the three inches of bed not
claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dogflesh
sleeps breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and
the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of
waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and
stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by
simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping
bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting
Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes - you wake.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's
just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night - safe,
contented, heavy and loud.